Please continue to hold

Too bad your call is so important to us

Small stuff, volume 1

Head scratchers:

  1. Prepare to stop when flashing
    I’ve seen this sign posted (with a signal flasher, of course) where a road leads to a stop light you can’t see in time to react to it. Problem is, of course, that what the sign is trying to tell you isn’t what it says, which is that if you’re flashing, you should prepare to stop. (Good advice, unless you want to be arrested for indecent exposure.)
  2. He (or she) threw up his (or her) hands
    This phraseology is meant to indicate a state of puzzlement or frustration. Unfortunately, the image it conjures up is wretched. Pun intended.
  3. Mass nouns vs. count nouns, and the people who confuse them
    It’s really simple, actually: if you measure it with a scale or cup, it’s a mass noun. If you count it…yeah, you guessed it. Ergo, it’s fewer miles or calories, not less, unless (again, pun intended) you’re a college football coach and it’s your name we’re talking about.
  4. Convenience fee (For buying tickets by phone, for example)
    Let’s call a spade a spade instead of a garden implement. It’s a service charge, and I might not screech so much about paying it if you wouldn’t try to make yourselves sound like the Mother Teresas of commerce for charging it.
  5. Capri pants
    They’re tidewaters on steroids. Just goes to show that “fashion victim” isn’t oxymoron. Well, maybe without the “oxy.” I’m sorry, but these things prove group delusions do occur.
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Jeff Bezos, fire your branding people!

I’ve loved books since I was a child. When ebook readers started to hit the market, I thought, “nice gadget, but give me the real thing.”

Amazon’s entry in this category, the Kindle, is selling like gangbusters. I wouldn’t want one if Jeff Bezos showed up on my doorstep like the Publishers Clearinghouse prize patrol. Even if he brought balloons.

Who in their right mind names a book-reading device using a verb whose first meaning is “to start a fire burning”?

When I first saw the promo on the Amazon home page, I couldn’t believe it. What’s the definitive image used to conjure up the horrors of censorship? A book burning.

Sorry, but if I’d been on the branding team for this product, there is no way that name would have made it out the door.

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Press 1 to remain on hold indefinitely

Feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? Like your life got swallowed by a voice mail menu?

In this blog, it’s my intention to comment on the world around me, vent about the little idiocies I’m not always certain others notice, and spout off about stuff I care about.

I reserve the right to care deeply about things nobody else finds even vaguely interesting, and to engage in a case of the creeping “me-too”s when I really feel like agreeing with everyone else.

If you like what I write, enjoy feeling frustrated by the same things, or just have idle time to waste, your eyeballs are welcome, as are your comments (if they’re not hateful, defamatory, trolling, or spam).

See you next time.

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