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Too bad your call is so important to us

Small stuff, volume 1

Head scratchers:

  1. Prepare to stop when flashing
    I’ve seen this sign posted (with a signal flasher, of course) where a road leads to a stop light you can’t see in time to react to it. Problem is, of course, that what the sign is trying to tell you isn’t what it says, which is that if you’re flashing, you should prepare to stop. (Good advice, unless you want to be arrested for indecent exposure.)
  2. He (or she) threw up his (or her) hands
    This phraseology is meant to indicate a state of puzzlement or frustration. Unfortunately, the image it conjures up is wretched. Pun intended.
  3. Mass nouns vs. count nouns, and the people who confuse them
    It’s really simple, actually: if you measure it with a scale or cup, it’s a mass noun. If you count it…yeah, you guessed it. Ergo, it’s fewer miles or calories, not less, unless (again, pun intended) you’re a college football coach and it’s your name we’re talking about.
  4. Convenience fee (For buying tickets by phone, for example)
    Let’s call a spade a spade instead of a garden implement. It’s a service charge, and I might not screech so much about paying it if you wouldn’t try to make yourselves sound like the Mother Teresas of commerce for charging it.
  5. Capri pants
    They’re tidewaters on steroids. Just goes to show that “fashion victim” isn’t oxymoron. Well, maybe without the “oxy.” I’m sorry, but these things prove group delusions do occur.
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